have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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