How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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