drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Randomize
