so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
