On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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