I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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