Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
