$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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