I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
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