DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
