grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
