sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
