Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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