I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
