Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
