Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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