there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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