I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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