My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
