just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
nutella sex= disaster
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
