So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I want to fling myself into the sun
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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