Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
