I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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