She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
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Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
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I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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