....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
