I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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