I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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