How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
