wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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