Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
He called his prostate his "boner button".
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
