My friends, they love my intelligence
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
