Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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