My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
