Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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