you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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