you traded sex for a burrito?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
