Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
