I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Randomize