6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
My hand turned me down
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
