Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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