HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize