i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
