There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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