I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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