I'd wear matching sweaters with you
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize