are you so shy because you have an std?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
