Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Randomize
