break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
