There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
