hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
