I think im going to throw up on grandma
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
