Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize