they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
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