I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I can't turn off my feet"
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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