Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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