do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
As shirtless as possible
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
