Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
