You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
