I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You had me at "let me see your balls"
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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