I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
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u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
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He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone