when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.