My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.