i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
