Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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