The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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